Every child has their own way of feeling loved. I want to help you learn to nurture their hearts with love that speaks to them. For some, a heartfelt “I’m so proud of you” can light up their world. For others, nothing feels more special then snuggling up on the couch or spending uninterrupted time together one-on-one. As parents, we’re always looking for ways to strengthen the bond we share with our children, and understanding their love language can be a beautiful tool to help us do just that.
Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of love languages has been life-changing for so many relationships, and it’s just as powerful when it comes to parenting. The idea is simple: everyone gives and receives love in different ways. There are 5 different love languages:
Words of Affirmation:Verbal expressions of love, appreciation, and encouragement.
Acts of Service: Actions that help or support the loved one.
Receiving Gifts: Giving thoughtful, meaningful tokens of affection.
Quality Time: Undivided attention and shared activities.
Physical Touch: Hugs, kisses, and other physical signs of affection.
When we take the time to understand how our children feel most loved, we can connect with them in ways that truly matter.
Words of Affirmation: Speaking Love Directly to Their Hearts
Some kids light up when they hear kind, encouraging words. A simple “You’re so creative!” or “I love the way you shared your toys today” can make their day. These little affirmations let them know they’re seen, appreciated, and cherished. For a child who thrives on words of affirmation, it’s less about fancy speeches and more about meaningful, heartfelt moments of recognition. If your child beams when you praise their efforts or if they need constant reminders of your love, this might be their love language. Keep it simple! Tuck a note in their lunchbox, sweetly whispering “You’re amazing” at bedtime, or even just cheering them on during a game. And if you need to correct them, try to balance it with affirming words to soften the sting. They are going to tend to have bigger feelings and meltdowns when it comes to criticism. It’s amazing how powerful your voice can be in shaping their confidence.
Acts of Service: Love in Action
For some children, love is best expressed through what you do for them. These are the kids who feel special when you help with a tricky math problem, fix their favorite toy, or make them their favorite pancakes “just because.” It’s not about doing everything for them, but about showing them through small acts that you’re there and you care. If your child lights up when you go out of your way to help, they might have acts of service as their love language. Even small gestures, like sewing a button on their stuffed animal or carrying their backpack when they’re tired, can mean the world. These kiddos tend to ask for things they could easily do for themselves. “Can you get me some water mom?” Normally I would encourage them to get it themselves or to be a “Big Boy” or a “Big Girl”. What you don’t realize is this could be really saddening for a child who is giving you the opportunity to show them the love language that they are craving. At the same time, it’s a good idea to show them how love can flow both ways. maybe encourage them to help a sibling or join you in preparing dinner for the family. Understanding its not a one-way street can help a lot in the long run.
Receiving Gifts: The Thought That Counts
For some kids, receiving a gift feels like receiving a big hug in a box. But it’s not about the price tag, it’s just the thought behind it. A flower picked from the garden or a handmade card can bring just as much joy as a store-bought toy. These children see gifts as a symbol of being remembered and loved. If your child gets especially excited about small surprises or keeps every little trinket you give them, this might be their love language. To nurture this, try to focus on the meaning behind the gift. A small treat “just because I was thinking of you” or a handmade drawing of their favorite animal can be even more powerful than a big present. It’s a way of saying, “You’re always in my heart.” Make sure to pay extra attention to the gifts they give you as well. Hang their art on the fridge and have a special space dedicated to those small rocks brought to you by loving and thoughtful pockets.
Quality Time: When Presence Speaks Louder Than Words
For some children, the greatest gift you can give is your undivided attention. These kids don’t need fancy trips or elaborate plans—they just want you. Playing a board game together, reading their favorite book, or having a picnic in the backyard can fill their emotional cup more than anything else. If your child is always asking you to play or looks disappointed when you’re distracted, quality time might be their love language. The key here is presence—put away the phone, let go of multitasking, and give them your full undivided attention. Even just 15 minutes of focused time can make them feel incredibly loved. And letting them pick the activity? That’s like icing on the cake.
Physical Touch: Love You Can Feel
Some children feel most connected through physical closeness. A hug, a kiss on the forehead, or holding hands on a walk can make them feel safe and adored. These are the kids who crawl into your lap during storytime or snuggle up during a movie. One of my littles will ALWAYS ask for a hug immediately after giving her a hug. It use to be irritating “I just gave you a hug” I would say while shaking my head. Then it clicked. She NEEDS that extra hug each time. If your child often seeks cuddles or reaches for your hand, physical touch might be their love language. Don’t worry if you’re not naturally touchy-feely—small gestures like a pat on the back, a playful tickle fight, or even ruffling their hair can go a long way. The key is to notice and honor their need for closeness in a way that feels natural for both of you. A tip for these sweet kiddos is when giving a hug don’t let go until THEY let go! This will ensure their love cup is filled to the brim.
Discovering Your Child’s Love Language
Every child is unique, and their love language might not always be obvious at first. The best way to figure it out is to pay attention. How does your child show love to you or others? Do they give you little gifts, ask for hugs, or light up when you compliment them? Take notice! What they ask for most often? Whether it’s help with a task, extra time when playing together, or just sitting close during a family movie.
Sometimes kids respond to more than one love language, and that’s okay! As parents, we can experiment with different ways of showing love and see what makes their hearts feel full. And remember, love languages can change as kids grow, so it’s a journey of learning and adapting together.
Why It Matters
When children feel loved in a way that speaks to their hearts, they flourish. They’re more confident, secure, and open to building healthy relationships with others. Understanding their love language is like having a secret key to their emotional world. It’s going to help you connect with them on a deeper level and strengthen the bond you share. As parents, it’s a gift to know that we’re giving our children what they truly need. By meeting them where they are, we’re not only filling their hearts but teaching them how to love others in meaningful ways.
Parenting is full of little discoveries, and learning your child’s love language is one of the most rewarding ones. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, I know you, and I love you exactly as you are.” So take a moment today to observe, listen, and try something new. You might be surprised at how even a small shift can make your child’s world a little brighter (and yours too.)
Comments