Motherhood is an incredible experience. It’s full of love, joy, and sometimes an overwhelming amount of responsibility. But in the midst of caring for your children, maintaining a household, and keeping up with the constant demands of daily life, it’s easy to feel like you’re losing yourself. The transformation into a mother often brings with it a deep shift in priorities, and while it’s a beautiful journey, it can also can feel like you’re sacrificing your sense of self for the needs of others.
Yet, motherhood doesn’t have to mean the disappearance of you, you are still the woman with passions, dreams, and goals. It's possible to balance both roles of mother and individual. By taking deliberate actions to rediscover who you are, you can reclaim your sense of self. In this article, we’ll explore how to reconnect with your identity in the midst of motherhood. I will offer steps to help you nurture both your role as a mother and the individual you are outside of it.
1. Acknowledge the Transformation
Motherhood is a life-changing experience. It’s impossible to go through the process of giving birth, adopting a child or becoming a stepmother without undergoing some form of transformation, both physically and emotionally. From the moment you become a mother, your life changes in ways that are beyond your control. These changes can affect everything from your daily routine to your sense of who you are.
However, rather than resisting the changes, it's important to acknowledge them. Accepting the transformation you go through as part of a natural evolution allows you to embrace the person you're becoming. While you may have a different sense of self now than you did before becoming a mother, that doesn’t mean you’ve lost who you were. It means you’ve added layers of depth to your identity.
Take a moment to reflect on how your life has changed. Have you become more patient or compassionate? Perhaps you’ve found a new level of strength or resilience. Celebrate these qualities! Understanding that motherhood changes you in beautiful ways will help you realize that the person you were before is still within you.
✨ Tip: Try keeping a “Motherhood Journal” where you reflect on your daily experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Over time, this will help you see how much you’ve grown and evolved. Writing down even small moments of change, whether they’re emotional shifts or new skills you've developed, can help you recognize the positive transformations happening within you.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Take Breaks
There’s a pervasive belief that mothers must always be “clocked in” and putting their children first, and while caring for your kids is essential, it’s equally important to carve out time for yourself. Taking breaks is not an indulgence; it’s a necessity for your mental, emotional, and physical health. Without taking time to recharge, you risk burnout, which will only make it harder to be the mother and person you want to be.
Giving yourself permission to take breaks allows you to restore your energy and refocus. It’s okay to step away from the demands of motherhood, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. These moments are an opportunity to reset and focus on something just for you! Whether that’s engaging in a hobby, catching up with a friend, or simply enjoying a quiet moment with your thoughts.
✨ Tip: Start by scheduling “me time” in your calendar. It can be ten minutes in the morning before everyone wakes up or an afternoon at the park alone, prioritize your needs just as much as you prioritize everyone else’s.
3. Rediscover Your Passions and Hobbies
Before motherhood, you likely had passions, hobbies, and activities that brought you joy. Whether you loved reading, painting, dancing, or hiking, those activities were part of who you were. But when life becomes consumed by parenting, it can be easy to push those passions aside.
Reconnecting with your hobbies can help you rediscover the person you were before becoming a mother. It also serves as a reminder that your identity extends beyond your role as a caregiver. Not only does engaging in activities you enjoy bring you fulfillment, but it also sets a wonderful example for your children! Taking time for your passions is an essential part of life.
✨ Tip: Start small. Pick one hobby or activity you enjoyed before becoming a mother, and dedicate a small amount of time to it each week. The key is consistency! Try to set aside a few minutes each day or an hour a week to engage in something that lights you up.
4. Set Boundaries with Others (and Yourself)
Mothers often feel the pressure to constantly do for others, whether it’s their children, partners, or extended family. It can feel like there’s always someone needing something from you, and sometimes the constant demands can leave you feeling drained. So part of finding yourself again is by setting healthy boundaries, not just with others, but with yourself as well.
Boundaries help you manage your time, energy, and mental space. They protect your needs, and they allow you to say “no” without the mom guilt. Saying “no” is a powerful tool for reclaiming your identity. It allows you to prioritize your mental health, your time, and your well-being.
✨ Tip: To set boundaries with others, practice saying “no” to things that don’t align with your needs or values. Practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that it’s okay to decline invitations or requests. For setting boundaries with yourself, let go of the expectation that you have to be “perfect” or do everything. Focus on what truly matters, your mental health.
5. Lean into Your Support System
You don’t have to do this alone. While it’s common for mothers to feel isolated in their journey, it's essential to remember that having a support system can help you feel more grounded and connected. Whether it’s a supportive partner, friends, family, or even online communities like Mainly Motherhood. Leaning into others who understand your experience can provide comfort and perspective.
Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness! Seeking help is a smart strategy for maintaining your sense of self. Supportive people can help lift some of the burden, allowing you the time and space to reconnect with yourself and your passions.
✨ Tip: Don’t be afraid to reach out to your support system, even if it’s just for a conversation. If you don’t have one, consider joining Mainly Motherhood’s Mothers group or reaching out to others who may be going through similar experiences.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Motherhood can bring with it a lot of guilt. There may be days when you feel like you’re not doing enough, or that you’re not living up to your own standards. In these moments, it’s important to practice self-compassion. Recognize that you are doing your best, and that’s more than enough.
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or inadequate, remind yourself that you don’t have to be perfect. The small, everyday moments you create with your children are what matter most. Your children need a happy mom, not a perfect mom.
✨ Tip: Practice mindfulness to quiet negative self-talk. When you catch yourself being hard on yourself, pause and ask: “Would I say this to a friend?” Shift the narrative to something more loving and gentle.
7. Learning Something New
Motherhood is a season of constant learning, but when was the last time you learned something just for you? Exploring new skills can be a powerful way to reconnect with yourself outside of your role as a mom.
Consider taking a class—whether it's photography, yoga, creative writing, or even a business course. Online platforms like Skillshare (my personal favorite), MasterClass, or local community centers offer endless opportunities to explore your interests.
Learning something new doesn’t have to be a big commitment. Start small: listen to a podcast on a topic that excites you, watch a YouTube tutorial, or set aside 15 minutes a day to practice a new skill.
✨ Tip: Choose something that excites you, not something you think you should learn. Passion is what makes learning feel like self-care, not another task on your to-do list.
Motherhood is one of the most transformative experiences in a woman’s life, and while it can feel all-consuming at times, it doesn't have to mean losing yourself. By taking steps to nurture your passions, set boundaries, and practice self-compassion, you can maintain a sense of identity that is uniquely yours.
Remember, finding yourself again in motherhood isn’t about going back to who you were, but rather evolving into the person you are becoming. Embrace the journey, honor your needs, and know that you can be both a loving mother and an individual with your own dreams, desires, and identity.
By Krystal Leonardson
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