From the moment we become mothers constant exhaustion tends to become our new normal. From the newborn stage with lack of sleep and hormonal chaos, to trying to keep up with our toddlers energizer-bunny level of constant energy. Even as they progressively grow the list seems to double in length adding carpool, schoolwork, and a multiplicity of other extracurricular activities. Exhaustion is just part of the routine. But what happens when you add a chronic illness to the already mile long laundry list of things you need to accomplish in a mothers every day to day life? You get a burnt out mom. Everything that is difficult about being a parent gets multiplied. How rough your symptoms are determine whether or not you will be able to accomplish anything, other than keeping your kiddos alive for another day of inevitable exhaustion. It's a balancing act to say the least. Even on the good days there are still so many obstacles standing in the way of what you would like to be doing with your time rather than laying on the floor in pain.
This has been a constant in my life for quite some time now. I struggle with several heart complications that leave me absolutely debilitated most days, even with medications and taking every precaution possible. Chronic illness is defined as a long-term health condition that requires ongoing medical attention or limits activities of daily living, or both. Life with a chronic illness is full of uncertainty. It means having to adjust to the demands of the illness. Plans get canceled, laundry can pile up and most days feel like surviving instead of thriving. It has changed the way I see myself, the way I live and the way I relate to others. But not everything has to be negative when parenting with a chronic illness. I have spent more one on one time with my kids on their level reading and snuggling than I ever would have if not for the daily struggle of staying upright.
It took me a long time to realize that just because I can’t accomplish everything the same way as other moms, who are not fighting a chronic illness, doesn’t mean that I am failing as a mom. It’s a battle to not give into the guilt I feel when I can’t run in the backyard with my girls or go on a backpacking adventure for the weekend. Truth is I have learned a lot over the past few years, and in looking back at the hard days I realized that I was still giving everything I had to be a good mother. And in the long run Isn’t that was matters? Trying your hardest no matter the level of fatigue and amount of pain you are in, you have done your very best today and that is all you can ask of yourself. When you’re having a day that you are struggling to hold your head up and the weight of the world seems heavier than normal, then take a look at some tips that have helped me keep sane on the hardest of days.
1. BE POSITIVE
Find the good in everyday. As much as that might sound like a motivational poster I can’t stress enough how much of a difference it makes! Instead of ‘why can’t I be like other moms’ or ‘I could accomplish so much if it weren’t for all this pain’ Focus on what you have accomplished! ‘I was able to read a book and soak in the sunshine while letting the kids play in the backyard.’ Take the time to see each and every small blessing in your day to day life and start making a list of all your mom wins no matter how small!! Getting the kids to brush their teeth without a colossal meltdown is a WIN! Not having to bribe them to leave a store without screaming? Also a win!
2. Take Time For YOU!
Did you know that mama bunnies leave their little ones and keep distance from their burrow to protect their babies? Predators can smell the mother much easier so by the mama leaving it in-turn helps to protect her babies and keep them safe! Am I telling you to leave/abandon your kids? NO, but taking time for yourself is such an important part of being a loving and nurturing parent. When a plane goes down you need oxygen first before helping those around you! Same thing applies to parenting. If your cup is completely empty and you are burnt out, you won’t have the energy or the mental stamina needed to take care of your little ones.
3. Simplify Your Day
My third and final tip is simplify any and all aspects of your everyday life. Take time to meal prep simple foods for your kiddos to have throughout the day. Freeze peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, mass cook quesadilla’s for the week and mix it up by adding some ham. Make healthy snacks accessible and within your kiddos reach. Find simple activities you can do while laying next to your kids. Make pillow forts, play shadow puppets with a flashlight. Do puzzles or take out your baking sheets to stick letter magnets to. Let your kids use their imagination and explore the backyard. Try to find a simple solution that lets you adapt to the needs of your chronic illness. You’ve got this mama! If all else fails, ask for help. All those offers of ‘…if you ever need anything’ take them up on it! On the worst of days a helping hand so that you can rest is crucial. Simplify your expectations, and your day to day life one step at a time.
by Krystal Leonardson
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